Salt On Monday

"We’re not trying to build a nation or whatever. We just go out and do our jobs.”
Edmonton Oiler C.E.O. and NHL Board of Governors member Patrick Laforge giving a careful answer to the question of whether or not another team in Southern Ontario would prosper on Bob McCowans radio show ‘Prime Time’ on the Fan 590 AM.



You say Balls-ly and I say Ball-silly.
Salt on Monday isn’t saying either; rather, Salt is calling BULLSHIT!
The ever twisting and turning saga of whether or not BlackBerry Billionaire Jim Balsillie will or won’t get to own an NHL franchise and move it to Hamilton marches onward. (And if you count the amount of times you have read or heard the phrase ‘BlackBerry Billionaire Jim Balsillie’ in the past six weeks and don’t get to over a gajillion, well then, I wish you a hearty welcome back from your time spent in a coma!)

Everyone and his dog Blue are chiming in. (Actually, I haven’t heard anything from Don Cherry regarding the Hamilton Predators.)
First theory up is the Ever Popular ‘The Leafs just ain’t havin’ it’ theory espoused by one Steven Brunt.

Next we get the Kanye Westesque ‘Bettman hates Canada theory’ penned by the illustrious Elliote Friedman.

And last, we have the Worldwide Sports Leaders Hockey Guy Scott Burnside chiming in with the conspiracy laden ‘Bettman backed into a corner’ theory complete with How-to’s regarding escaping said corner. (I know! I didn’t think that ESPN still paid guys to cover Hockey!)

The truth is that we won’t know the truth. Or not for a long while anyway. And does it even matter? The NHL is a for profit enterprise based in New York City with 80% of it’s franchises in the United States, and also pays it’s workers – quite handsomely by the way – in Yankee Dollars. Can someone explain to me why Canadians feel as if the NHL is somehow a national treasure?
It isn’t.
Hockey, and the way it is woven into our National Fabric is a glorious thing to behold, and is as Canadian as a Halifax style falafel.
The fact that I could probably round up twenty or thirty guys for a pick up game within fifteen blocks of my house in under two hours is a glorious thing to behold. ( Like we could get ice time anywhere!)

Let’s separate the NHL and our love for the game of hockey sooner rather that later ok? Because a slavish adhereance to that principle is what keeps the Leafs rolling in money and Sans A Stanley Cup final appearance in the last 40 years.
(Say it with me everyone ‘Nineteen Sixty-Seven, Nineteen Sixty-Seven, Nine ah screw it)

But I digress.

Fantasy Update!!



For most fantasy keeper leagues this is make it or trade it away time - if you aren’t going to win and you can’t keep everyone, why not try and trade that big bat for a draft pick next year.

Unfortunately in my Keeper League, I have been running in second place to Bradley – another poster here – who has the good fortune to have both Arod and Russell Martin on his team.

Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not throwing in the towel here, it is just going to be hard to catch a team that has Arod hitting the ball like it was set up on a tee, and a catcher that steals bases and hits for average.

(I’m not totally finished though; Johan Santana is starting his post all-star run where he usually goes 10-0 with 100 K’s and an E.R.A. of 0.90. But Russell Martin is a Killer. Getting stolen bases from the catcher position is almost unfair. As a matter of fact, I am going to petition the commissioner about this, unless he is busy trying to keep his team above 100 points and in a solid tie for seventh place. Nice work Stinky. When Aaron Rowland is your best outfielder you got problems.)


So while it may be a sad season where my team FREEPETEROSE doesn’t get to invoke the Droit D’Seigneur upon taking over first place, we do have the Football season to look forward to.

(Truth be told this league lost a lot of it’s legitimacy when someone dropped Felix Hernandez in May - !!!!!! – and most recently there was a dubious trade where one bottom feeder traded with his ‘brother in-law’ and received Chone Figgins and Vlad Guerrero for Kevin Youklis, Micheal Cuddyer, Aaron Hill and a second and fifth round pick. First off, I think that relatives – unless they are both sports addicted competition junkies – should have any and all moves between their teams regulated by the entire league. It’s just too easy for someone to get the benefit of a lopsided trade just because somebody took out the garbage, or made dinner out of turn. We’ll have to keep an eye out for this in the Fall if Chris allows his sweetie to enter – and be subsequently crushed – our Football league this year. Chris, let her in; she knows all the players now since she changed favorite teams about twelve times last year. Hey tell her the Giants have a Pretty Blue colors in their away uniforms.…)

That’s all today people, but watch out for the TSB’s NFL primer coming this week and ladies hold onto your self respect; I’m bringing the Alan Morris vintage 1994 goatee back.
That’s right, I did it.
I’m bringing Sexy back.

Salt on Monday

Hello people and say welcome back to your favorite weekly column ‘Salt on Monday’. The beginning of June is the slow season for sporting addicts, and the busy season for their mates. Between weddings, stags, engagement parties, and family issues, Salt on Monday couldn’t give you a column last week.

But we’re back, and while we are happy that the NBA, and NHL have crowned champions, and the NFL is merely six weeks away from training camp, we can still find some salty issues to share with you.
As always, I am a river to my people. A salty, bitter, sour river.

ALERT!! ALERT!!! ALERT!!!
Breaking news folks, the Stanley Cup finalists the Ottawa Senators have decided to part ways with their GM John Muckler. Seems second place just doesn’t agree with Billionaire Eugene Melnyk. I guess Melnyk saw what we all saw; that Ottawa would still wilt when you came at them head on. The Leafs used that trick every time they played the Bytown skaters in the playoffs, and battered them into submission. This year, Pittsburgh tried to skate with Ottawa – and that might work for Pittsburgh next year – but their young team couldn’t match the Senators. New Jersey tried to go Trap to Trap, and see who could execute the left wing lock with more proficiency, but without a monster performance from their best player Brodeur, the Devils went away with a whimper. You already know how I feel about Buffalo. A pretend team full of perimeter players just wasn’t going to make the cup finals.

So when Anaheim decided to punch the Sens in the face, they didn’t punch back. They just didn’t have the players with the type of grit needed to punch back at the end of this six-week tournament.

That said, they made the freaking finals people!!! What does new G.M. Brian Murray have to do to keep his job? Well, the first thing I would suggest to him is that he not hire a coach with General Managing experience, because that tends not work out so well.
Just ask John Muckler.

Both the NBA and the NHL had horrible television ratings for their finals. The finals in the NBA topped out at a 6.9 million share out of the 113 million television households in the United States. To make sense of that number just think that the LOWEST ranked NFL game last year was the 2nd Monday Night Game of the opening weekend (San Diego vs the Raiders) - after the Opening Thursday game, the Sunday day and night games, and after the 1st Monday Night Football game – and that was only available on Cable and was watched by 7.9 million households. As to the NHL television ratings in the USA, let’s just say that if Chris, Brad and I drove to Buffalo and watched the finals in a bar we might just have doubled the national ratings.

What is the answer for these two leagues? Well Don Cherry has the answer.
(Note to Don. There is NASCAR and then there is Demolition Derby.
NASCAR has millions of fans and commands a huge television audience.
Demolition Derby is a staple of county fairs all across the south.
Sometimes the Demolition Derby winner gets to take home the winning purse of a basket of homemade biscuits with chittlin’s.
NASCAR winners fly home in their private jets with millions of dollars in prize money and endorsements.
More fighting turns the game of hockey into Demolition Derby, not NASCAR.)

THE HAMILTON STEELERS? THE HAMILTON STINKERS?
THE HAMILTON notMAPLELEAFS?

What will Blackberry Billionaire call his new toy, formerly known as the Nashville Predators? I know there are a lot of people out there who think that the Leafs will never allow a team within their NHL mandated ‘Competition Zone’. Well that was until a man with some big stones walked into the picture. As soon as Jim Balsillie worked out a deal in principle with Preds owner Craig Leipold, who got tired of losing money, to pay a whopping $220 million for the team - which was only valued at $111 million in 2004 - did you notice the announcement from the Federal Governments Competition Bureau regarding NHL Non-Compete clauses. Must be something of a coincidence right?
Balsillie is overpaying for the team in order to pave the way for a move into Southern Ontario. No way is Leipold leaving $220 million on the table no matter what the NHL Board of Governors says. And will the owners of the Atlanta Thrashers or the Tampa Bay Devil Rays object to the sudden increase in the value of their team? Will they give back the millions of dollars they stand to gain from a television deal in an area that is crazy about Hockey? Get ready Leaf fans, yet another team in southern Ontario will get to the Cup Finals before the Leafs do.

And Finally….







Is Tiger on the clear?????
And will his nipples just remain erect indefinitely?