Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate Posh & Becks.

We've all had these asshats shoved down our throats for the last couple weeks, and I know it's getting tiresome... but trust me, you'll enjoy this week's video. It will give you some real insight into just how stupid these two are. And when I say stupid, I mean completely barren of any intellectual functionality. They appear to have the combined IQ of a 12 year old... with ridiculous implants.

Enjoy!

GARNETT TRADE

You have to hope that Chris Bosh welcomes challenges; especially big, tall, lanky challenges named Kevin Garnett.
All of a sudden Danny Ainge has switched his team from a bunch of talented but unproven kids to a trio of All Star veterans. Bye, bye Al Jefferson, Gerald Green, Theo Ratliff, Sebastian Telfair, 2 first round picks and hello KG.

Now before any starts gushing over this team the way Alan gushes over the Cowboys let’s think about how this trade will pan out. Boston traded the farm for Garnett and he is worth every bit of it. Last year he put up 22 points per game, 12.8 rebounds, 4.1 assists and 1.7 blocks. He is a team player who has never played with guys as good as Pierce or Allen and after 12 years in Minnesota you have to think that he is happy for a change of scenery. But Garnett isn’t the problem; the problem is Pierce.

Paul Pierce is a high volume shooter who wants the ball in his hands. He has never played with other super stars and I think it will take some time for him to mesh with Allen and Garnett. I think Pierce might pull a Terrell Owens if he doesn’t get enough shots. The other problem is injuries. Garnett has been very durable during his career, but Pierce and Allen have missed substantial time in recent years. Boston will be able to field an awesome starting line up but they have a very thin bench and that is where they will be weak.

I think that Minnesota got a great deal. They were looking at another year of relying too heavily on Garnett and not making the playoffs. They are now stacked with youth and draft picks. Their fans are finally going to get to see something different and it should be exciting.

What does this mean for the Raptors?

Bosh has always said that Garnett is his role model and he is now going to get a chance to compete against him on a regular basis. The good thing is that Bosh is entering his prime and will be quick enough to give Garnett problems; the bad part is that the Raptors have no answer for him on defense. When the Celtics added Allen at the draft I wasn’t too worried because the Raptors play good perimeter defense but Garnett will free up space on the outside by demanding a double team. The Raptors strength needs to come from their bench depth. When the 30 something GAP trio get tired, the Raps will have to make their runs.

What does this mean for the Atlantic?

The addition of Garnett, Allen and Zach Randolph will make the Atlantic division much better and should help shake off the title of leagues worst division. Some sports writers are already hailing Boston as contenders in the East - rubbish…rubbish I tell you - this team will make the playoffs but they will not win the Atlantic division. You can’t just throw three players like this together and assume greatness.

Salt on ... Thursday??

Well, Salt would like to apologize for the delay in our usual column, but truthfully the sporting landscape has been incredibly bereft of topical subjects to write about.










Ah.
Well.
See, this is the deal.
Salt on Monday, tries to find that niche where the sporting world is taking itself too seriously, or engaging in a round of ‘piling on’. Unfortunately this week has been jammed with the denizens of the Sporting universe behaving in an unconscionable manner. ( But enough about the Staal brothers … )


I don’t know if Michael Vick did or did not engage in dog fighting – a brutal, brutal example of cruelty to animals – but I do know that Mr. Vick won’t have to worry about wins and losses for a little while. The Federal Government has indicted Vick. Yeah, that’s right, the G-Men slapped papers on Mike. That means this isn’t a case where you can distract Boss Hogg and Sherriff Coltrane with some short/shorts and slip out the back door. These are the guys who recently added Lord Black of Crossharbour to their win totals.

Federal Prosecution operates at about a 95% success rate in the U.S.A., so I don’t think that Mike Vick will be thinking about much else beside how to get the hell off of these charges.

That said, I find it interesting that the Vick episode is getting far more press coverage than the NBA scandal, where one ref is on the verge of being arrested by the F.B.I. for his involvement in 'fixing' the professional games that he was officiating. Now, I get that the NBA earns its share of bad publicity due to the actions and prima donna attitude of many of it’s stars, but did you ever, ever, ever think that the name and face that would threaten the very viability of the Association would be a 5’7” dude of Irish descent?

And make no mistake the NBA is in big trouble here. While match fixing may be a semi regular event in Europe and Asia, here in the puritanical West, we prefer our sporting cheats to fly under the radar. We watch sports because we don’t know what is going to happen, and when we think we do know what will happen, we contribute to the billion dollar sports betting underworld – because sport betting is illegal in North America don’t you know (well, outside of Vegas and Atlantic City). So while the horrendous exploits of a prime NFL star should be taking up a lot of headline space, so too should what just might be the beginning of the end of the NBA as we know it.

But somehow, Mike Vick is selling waaaaay more papers. (and more page views … )

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate my most favourite movie, "Caddyshack".

This afternoon I was thinking about the first movie I ever saw on videotape. I couldn't come up with it exactly, but I was able to narrow it down to one of these 4 movies: Krull, Excalibur, Alien, or Caddyshack. All were nominated for Best Movie, I'm sure... but Caddyshack really made an impression on my young mind.

If you haven't seen it, then we can't be friends... sorry.

Let's examine how my life has been influenced by this movie:

1) Lacy Underall showed her boobs, and was blonde with blue eyes. I like boobs, and tend to be attracted to blondes with blue eyes.
2) Ty Webb was a guy who's life revolved around his golf game. Although I'm not as rich as Ty Webb, I too have shaped my life to maximize the time I can spend on the golf course.
3) Spaulding was a fat, spoiled loud mouth idiot. I call my friends Spaulding all the time.
4) Danny Noonan had some crazy hair, and Irish girls loved him. I had crazy hair for most of my life, and I like Guinness.
5) Kenny Loggins created the theme music for Caddyshack, including "I'm Alright". I too am alright, and have a theme song from Kenny Loggins, entitled "Danger Zone".
6) Carl Spackler was tormented by a groundhog. I am tormented by sexy ladies, ALL THE TIME. They just won't leave me alone.

So let this be a lesson to all you parents out there... the things your children see on TV when they are young will influence their lives forever. Just ask Alan, his parents made him watch "Second Place is Just Fine For Me". :)


I wasn't joking, he really is my hero.


Carl Spackler has THAT going for him.


If Rodney Dangerfield made it to heaven, this is what he's doing.


"Move over Swanson, I'm driving!"


My firstborn shall be named Porterhouse.



Hope you enjoyed... see you next week!

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate Sportscenter(re) commercials.

There really isn't much analysis needed here... just watch and enjoy.



















And finally... one for my lady friend... Go Bucks!


I was planning on making this weeks entry a tribute to college football, but thought I would hold off for a couple weeks. Let's just say that I have a massive NCAA Football post brewing!

Salt On Monday

"We’re not trying to build a nation or whatever. We just go out and do our jobs.”
Edmonton Oiler C.E.O. and NHL Board of Governors member Patrick Laforge giving a careful answer to the question of whether or not another team in Southern Ontario would prosper on Bob McCowans radio show ‘Prime Time’ on the Fan 590 AM.



You say Balls-ly and I say Ball-silly.
Salt on Monday isn’t saying either; rather, Salt is calling BULLSHIT!
The ever twisting and turning saga of whether or not BlackBerry Billionaire Jim Balsillie will or won’t get to own an NHL franchise and move it to Hamilton marches onward. (And if you count the amount of times you have read or heard the phrase ‘BlackBerry Billionaire Jim Balsillie’ in the past six weeks and don’t get to over a gajillion, well then, I wish you a hearty welcome back from your time spent in a coma!)

Everyone and his dog Blue are chiming in. (Actually, I haven’t heard anything from Don Cherry regarding the Hamilton Predators.)
First theory up is the Ever Popular ‘The Leafs just ain’t havin’ it’ theory espoused by one Steven Brunt.

Next we get the Kanye Westesque ‘Bettman hates Canada theory’ penned by the illustrious Elliote Friedman.

And last, we have the Worldwide Sports Leaders Hockey Guy Scott Burnside chiming in with the conspiracy laden ‘Bettman backed into a corner’ theory complete with How-to’s regarding escaping said corner. (I know! I didn’t think that ESPN still paid guys to cover Hockey!)

The truth is that we won’t know the truth. Or not for a long while anyway. And does it even matter? The NHL is a for profit enterprise based in New York City with 80% of it’s franchises in the United States, and also pays it’s workers – quite handsomely by the way – in Yankee Dollars. Can someone explain to me why Canadians feel as if the NHL is somehow a national treasure?
It isn’t.
Hockey, and the way it is woven into our National Fabric is a glorious thing to behold, and is as Canadian as a Halifax style falafel.
The fact that I could probably round up twenty or thirty guys for a pick up game within fifteen blocks of my house in under two hours is a glorious thing to behold. ( Like we could get ice time anywhere!)

Let’s separate the NHL and our love for the game of hockey sooner rather that later ok? Because a slavish adhereance to that principle is what keeps the Leafs rolling in money and Sans A Stanley Cup final appearance in the last 40 years.
(Say it with me everyone ‘Nineteen Sixty-Seven, Nineteen Sixty-Seven, Nine ah screw it)

But I digress.

Fantasy Update!!



For most fantasy keeper leagues this is make it or trade it away time - if you aren’t going to win and you can’t keep everyone, why not try and trade that big bat for a draft pick next year.

Unfortunately in my Keeper League, I have been running in second place to Bradley – another poster here – who has the good fortune to have both Arod and Russell Martin on his team.

Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not throwing in the towel here, it is just going to be hard to catch a team that has Arod hitting the ball like it was set up on a tee, and a catcher that steals bases and hits for average.

(I’m not totally finished though; Johan Santana is starting his post all-star run where he usually goes 10-0 with 100 K’s and an E.R.A. of 0.90. But Russell Martin is a Killer. Getting stolen bases from the catcher position is almost unfair. As a matter of fact, I am going to petition the commissioner about this, unless he is busy trying to keep his team above 100 points and in a solid tie for seventh place. Nice work Stinky. When Aaron Rowland is your best outfielder you got problems.)


So while it may be a sad season where my team FREEPETEROSE doesn’t get to invoke the Droit D’Seigneur upon taking over first place, we do have the Football season to look forward to.

(Truth be told this league lost a lot of it’s legitimacy when someone dropped Felix Hernandez in May - !!!!!! – and most recently there was a dubious trade where one bottom feeder traded with his ‘brother in-law’ and received Chone Figgins and Vlad Guerrero for Kevin Youklis, Micheal Cuddyer, Aaron Hill and a second and fifth round pick. First off, I think that relatives – unless they are both sports addicted competition junkies – should have any and all moves between their teams regulated by the entire league. It’s just too easy for someone to get the benefit of a lopsided trade just because somebody took out the garbage, or made dinner out of turn. We’ll have to keep an eye out for this in the Fall if Chris allows his sweetie to enter – and be subsequently crushed – our Football league this year. Chris, let her in; she knows all the players now since she changed favorite teams about twelve times last year. Hey tell her the Giants have a Pretty Blue colors in their away uniforms.…)

That’s all today people, but watch out for the TSB’s NFL primer coming this week and ladies hold onto your self respect; I’m bringing the Alan Morris vintage 1994 goatee back.
That’s right, I did it.
I’m bringing Sexy back.

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate Antonio Rodrigo "Minotauro" Nogueira.

As I promised last week, there would be many MMA posts to come... and here is the first.

Minatauro is a 240 pound heavyweight fighter out of Brazil. Although he has all that weight, he specializes in submissions by way of his Jiu-Jitsu. He's not flashy, and doesn't speak much english, but he has 2 things going for him: a kick ass nickname in Minotauro, and the fact he has beaten every top heavyweight that matters.

On Saturday night, he took on Heath Herring for the 3rd time. He won the first 2 fights. I won't spoil the video for you, but let's just say that this is a very entertaining fight (for heavyweights).

And btw... I might change my middle name to Minotauro... Albert just isn't very sexy.

Part 1

Part 2

Bonus: Strip Basketball (Kimmel rules)

NASCAR






Ordonez








Nickelback




Venus

Salt on Wednesday

We here at Salt on Monday were having such a grand ol’ time celebrating Canada’s celebratory day that we ended up not putting forth our usual Monday Salt. However, we have for you instead, Salt on Wednesday!!!

(That’s the good thing about Salt. It is always ready to be spread any day of the week.)

Let’s start by saying fare thee well to one of the most iconic heroes south of the border, Captain America.

The Marvel Comic empire has decided to kill off it’s erstwhile symbol of the American nation in an attempt to mirror the sense of division and turmoil in The US of A. While I don’t think that killing off a fictional character is ever truly worthy of grief – after all, the fictional character can easily be resurrected, since the laws of science don’t exist in the minds of the writers who dream up heroes who can fly and shoot webbing out of their wrist – it must be noted that the good Cap’n never got to realize the potential that he was destined for.



Originally conceived as a propaganda tool to push the Americans into WWII – like many comics of that era – Cap’n never got the popular support of his DC rival Superman. Losing out every Halloween to Superman in costumes sold, and having a straight to video movie instead of a 5-movie franchise with a theme song that is embedded into the psyche most people on this continent, the good Captain was probably put out of his misery. After all the view from second place is the rear end of the front runner, and after 40 plus years of looking at Superman’s butt, you gotta think that Cap said ‘no mas’.


But don’t fret Cap’n lovers as it turns out that Marvel has killed off and resurrected the hero no less than twelve times and Salt thinks we haven’t seen the last of America’s favourite runner up.

I digress.

As JFJ turns….

It must be hard to operate as a NHL GM in the biggest hockey market on the planet with only a series of one year contracts as security/leverage.
But our JFJ is doing it.
Salt is no longer on the bash the GM wagon. We see that the corporation formerly known as the Toronto Maple Leafs is stringing along their GM with a series of one year deals while openly casting around for an old hand to guide their Hockey operations.

If that isn’t a recipe for a Stanley Cup run then I don’t know what is.



But to his great credit, The AmaZing JFJ has managed to sign a REAL winger for Mats Sundin without paying stupid Ranger money, and found a REAL goaltender to replace Raycroft.
Jason Blake – JBLOCK muh***ckker!!! – is 34 but has only been in the NHL for 8 years. So he doesn’t have the usual wear and tear of a fourteen-year NHL veteran. What he does have is s.p.e.e.d and you can bet that Mats and Thomas Kaberle will be looking to hit him on the fly all season. The AmaZing JFJ also managed to pay him four million rather than the Rangeresque type of deal that makes me wonder what the lockout was all about.


( How can you pay Chris Drury and Craig Janney, uh, I mean Scott Gomez seven million dollars over five and seven years? I mean is there any sense in locking up players who won’t be of much use during the playoffs – and weren’t this year? At least now Bobby Holik won’t be remembered as the worst signing in recent Ranger history. But is anything as crazy as paying Todd – the Animal – Bertuzzi eight million dollars over two years? Brian Burke is bullet proof right now isn’t he.
I am sure that Steve Moore is going to get a deal at least twice as big as that as soon as his head stops spinning.)

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate Kid Dynamite, Mike Tyson.

I thought that someone on the interweb should pay tribute to this rarest of sports icons before he... and his sport, pass away. It is true, and undeniable that boxing has run it's course. We were lucky to live in a time where we got to see a sport come to it's climax, and culminate with a man that embodied everything both good and bad about it.

He was the most dominating boxer I ever saw live, or on tape. His raw power was unmatched. I've read interviews where some of his former opponents admit to being scared to fight him (unheard of in the boxing world). He simply mashed his competition.

Outside of the ring, he was a sad case. He was pulled in many directions, and had no control over his life, his money, or his career. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, i'm sure. All his troubles landed him in jail a couple times, and cost him everything he had (a couple times). I would even argue that most of his trouble wasn't even his fault.

Nonetheless, this guy really won't be alive very long. And, neither will boxing. Mixed Martial Arts (of which we'll see many Tuesday Tributes) is a much better product, and is already making alot more money than boxing.

MMA is the future... and I expect Mike Tyson to give it a shot before he packs it in. They'll offer him 10 million, and he'll take it because he'll need it. This meeting will be the true passing of the torch to MMA....

...and the passing of a man who was the epitomy of boxing's best... and worst.


The good...



The bad...

The ugly.

NBA NEWS

Just a couple of thoughts from last night over hyped NBA draft and how it will affect the Raptors. The biggest news has to be the arrival of Ray Allen and Zach Randolph to the Atlantic Division. While everyone is focused on Oden and Durant, this division just got a lot better. These are two very good players who will make Boston and New York better. Allen doesn’t worry me too much as the Raptors generally play good perimeter defense and the chances of Allen and Paul Pierce staying healthy all year are pretty slim. Randolph is more of a problem. He is one of the few big men in the league who play very well against Bosh. The Knicks are going to be able to put Randolph and Eddie Curry on the floor at the same time and at a combined weight of 543 pounds, that is a lot of beef.

The Raptors had a quiet day even though there were rumors swirling around Jose Calderon and Bargnani. I am sure that GM Brian Colangelo listened to lots of offers over the past week but he knew that he was in control of any trade and clearly no one was willing to meet his price. I have complete faith in Colangelo and in this case no move was the best move. He did pick up the rights to Greek forward Giorgos Printezis for a 2008 second round pick. A good move as the Raptors need players not picks.

The draft turned out to be pretty boring but this year’s crop of rookies promise to be exciting. I am looking forward to seeing how they do and if they are as good as all the hype. The impending controversy with the Milwaukee Buck’s first round pick, Yi Jianlian, should be interesting. I haven’t been able to find the reason he doesn’t want to play there so let me know if you know anything. M.J. is going the path of Gretzsky as being a great player and terrible GM. J Rich? Why? The guy can’t play defense and will probably have some kind of injury for a portion of the year. They needed a big name to help Emeka Okafor not a huge contract. Jordan needs to go back to shucking underwear and leave the drafting to professionals.

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate Gino Odjick. Don't be confused... I'm talking about the Gino Odjick that played in the NHL, not any other Gino Odjick you may have had in mind.

I'm not sure how big Gino's balls are, but my guess is that they resemble small planetoids. Holy crap this guy is tough. How tough you might ask? Well, lets review his career highlights...

In Gino's 12 years in the NHL...
-most goals in a season: 16
-most assists in a season: 13
-most points in a season: 29
-career goals: 64
-career assists: 73
-career points: 137
-career penalty minutes: 2,567

Hmmm... I wonder if he played in the NHL for 12 years because of his passing skills? This guy beat the crap out of everyone... almost literally.

I have to admit that I'm a big Bob Probert fan... but Gino really is one of a kind.

Gino beating up St.Louis (all of them)



Gino beating up Buffalo, after crunching Hasek



Gino says hi to Todd Harvery

Salt on Monday

The NHL draft just passed and you can still feel the excitement! Three hours of Pierre ‘Blue Sky’ McGuire, Bob ‘no Doug’ McKenzie, and Farhan (Farhan?) Lalji screaming at you for three hours on a Friday evening! If that isn’t riveting television, then I just don’t know what excites you.

Don’t forget that we also had the thrilling MLB draft this weekend as well!
Wow, yet another draft featuring players that we have never heard of and won’t see for about three years. This is sports broadcasting at it’s best.

There are only two sports leagues that have relevant drafts; the NFL and the NBA.
Why?
The NHL and MLB draft is essentially a draft to stock their minor league teams and develop these players for the future.
The NFL and the NBA draft out of their developmental league – otherwise known as the NCAA. And the beauty of this system is that these leagues don’t even have to worry about funding this NCAA thing as the players aren’t ‘paid’ – stop laughing Chris Webber!! – and the Pro leagues get finely tuned athletes at an age where they can contribute immediately.
In football and basketball, the top picks most often go from high draft pick to on the field impact player in the first year. (In fact if you are a first rounder in either league and you aren’t starting or making a huge contribution, then you are largely considered a bust or a Redskin..)

How far will this notion of a televised draft go? Are we going to start televising the draw for poker tournaments? Or has that already happened.
If someone wants to televise the CFL draft, I might just start living in a park and drinking after-shave for the buzz.

BTW, Bill Simmons kills the NHL draft. You gotta read it.

When Sports Writers Attack!!




I know you all must have been distracted by the momentous hockey and baseball drafts this past weekend, and you might have missed out on a media spat that spilled out of Colorado.
Turns out that a longtime Colarado beat writer Adrian Dater has taken offence to the talking heads at the WORLDWIDE LEADER ESPN, and he flipped out on his blog - the blog is known as ‘The Masterdater Mail bag’. Seems Mr. Dater is sick of ESPN stealing stories and calling it their own. He wants some respect for the guys in the trenches who dig out all those great quotes that the humorists and on air commentators use on their shows and online columns.
Really?
Here is a beat writer, the guy who is forced to go into dressing rooms and get that precious ‘110%’ quote and he is bemoaning a lack of respect for what he does.
Thanks Adrian, I don’t know what I would do without your post game interviews – “the guys were really working tonight”, “ they just kept coming”, “there is no quit in this dressing room” – because everyone knows that the most interesting quotes in the sports world come from players talking to beat writers who are compelled to suck up to the athletes in order to maintain access (and their jobs). In fact Adrian, I’ll give you the post game quotes after the first regular season Avalanche game.

IF THE AV’s WIN:
Paul Stastny – “ I really had good jump out there tonight, I think the whole team is a lot more comfortable with each other this year

Joe Sakic – “ We are really starting to put it together, hopefully we can stay injury free and keep this going.”

Peter Budaj – “I was seeing the puck really well tonight”

Ken Klee – “You want to talk to me?”

IF THE AV’s LOSE;

Paul Stastny – “We just didn’t have any jump out there tonight.”

Joe Sakic – “ We have to put this together. Guys have to realize that training camp is over and we have to get going.”

Peter Budaj – “ I just wasn’t seeing the puck well tonight”

Ken Klee - “ You want to talk to me?”

There you go Adrian. Free of charge. Take the night off, do something nice with your wife or girlfriend.
I am a river to my people.

And finally, (because it seems like this column has gotten all serious like) ,it seems the Anaheim Ducks really know how to celebrate that Cup win.

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate Team Canada. Huh? In June? Oh yes, my friends... Team Canada in June!

In anticipation of the major soccer match on Thursday vs. the U.S.A., I thought it would be nice to teach you all a thing or two about what our national team has been doing at the Gold Cup this year.

Team Canada has earned a berth in the semi-finals this year in the CONCACAF Gold Cup tournament south of the border, and has done so with some very exciting footy. After a sluggish start, they are really turning it on. As a matter of fact, they are playing so well that Team Canada's world FIFA ranking has jumped to #56, from #94. If they can pull off the upset against the U.S. (which I think they can), then that ranking will continue to improve.

This all comes as a surprise, as Canada's Soccer Asscociation (CSA- governing body of National Soccer in Canada) had no plans on being competitive in this tournament. It seems that the focus of the CSA is qualifying for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa (if you ask me, that's exactly where it should be).

In any case, this team is showing great improvement over the past few months. In my opinion, the problem with Canada's soccer program has always been about experience. We simply don't have our National team playing in enough competitive matches. This is simply a matter of having enough bodies on the pitch. Most of our decent players have been overseas in recent years, and we haven't had enough quality men to put together a competitive team. Other countries can do without their stars, as they have the depth to replace them. This year however, with the rise of the MSL and Toronto FC, more and more of our players are closer to home and are more available to take part in the National program. This trend will continue, as will the skill level of our team.

I think we're seeing early signs of progress this year in the Gold Cup. Canada's offence really is a thing of beauty. The defence could be tightened up a little, but they really are playing more and more like a team. Dwayne De Rosario was just awesome vs. Guatemala last week. His teammate, Ali Gerba (probably the coolest name ever on the National team) is also down right nasty around the goal.

Team Canada is alot of fun to watch, and with a victory on Thursday they could show the world just how far they've come.

Quarterfinal Highlights: Canada 3-0 Guatemala

You know you've made it when your video clips have Euro-dance music!

Salt on Monday

Hello people and say welcome back to your favorite weekly column ‘Salt on Monday’. The beginning of June is the slow season for sporting addicts, and the busy season for their mates. Between weddings, stags, engagement parties, and family issues, Salt on Monday couldn’t give you a column last week.

But we’re back, and while we are happy that the NBA, and NHL have crowned champions, and the NFL is merely six weeks away from training camp, we can still find some salty issues to share with you.
As always, I am a river to my people. A salty, bitter, sour river.

ALERT!! ALERT!!! ALERT!!!
Breaking news folks, the Stanley Cup finalists the Ottawa Senators have decided to part ways with their GM John Muckler. Seems second place just doesn’t agree with Billionaire Eugene Melnyk. I guess Melnyk saw what we all saw; that Ottawa would still wilt when you came at them head on. The Leafs used that trick every time they played the Bytown skaters in the playoffs, and battered them into submission. This year, Pittsburgh tried to skate with Ottawa – and that might work for Pittsburgh next year – but their young team couldn’t match the Senators. New Jersey tried to go Trap to Trap, and see who could execute the left wing lock with more proficiency, but without a monster performance from their best player Brodeur, the Devils went away with a whimper. You already know how I feel about Buffalo. A pretend team full of perimeter players just wasn’t going to make the cup finals.

So when Anaheim decided to punch the Sens in the face, they didn’t punch back. They just didn’t have the players with the type of grit needed to punch back at the end of this six-week tournament.

That said, they made the freaking finals people!!! What does new G.M. Brian Murray have to do to keep his job? Well, the first thing I would suggest to him is that he not hire a coach with General Managing experience, because that tends not work out so well.
Just ask John Muckler.

Both the NBA and the NHL had horrible television ratings for their finals. The finals in the NBA topped out at a 6.9 million share out of the 113 million television households in the United States. To make sense of that number just think that the LOWEST ranked NFL game last year was the 2nd Monday Night Game of the opening weekend (San Diego vs the Raiders) - after the Opening Thursday game, the Sunday day and night games, and after the 1st Monday Night Football game – and that was only available on Cable and was watched by 7.9 million households. As to the NHL television ratings in the USA, let’s just say that if Chris, Brad and I drove to Buffalo and watched the finals in a bar we might just have doubled the national ratings.

What is the answer for these two leagues? Well Don Cherry has the answer.
(Note to Don. There is NASCAR and then there is Demolition Derby.
NASCAR has millions of fans and commands a huge television audience.
Demolition Derby is a staple of county fairs all across the south.
Sometimes the Demolition Derby winner gets to take home the winning purse of a basket of homemade biscuits with chittlin’s.
NASCAR winners fly home in their private jets with millions of dollars in prize money and endorsements.
More fighting turns the game of hockey into Demolition Derby, not NASCAR.)

THE HAMILTON STEELERS? THE HAMILTON STINKERS?
THE HAMILTON notMAPLELEAFS?

What will Blackberry Billionaire call his new toy, formerly known as the Nashville Predators? I know there are a lot of people out there who think that the Leafs will never allow a team within their NHL mandated ‘Competition Zone’. Well that was until a man with some big stones walked into the picture. As soon as Jim Balsillie worked out a deal in principle with Preds owner Craig Leipold, who got tired of losing money, to pay a whopping $220 million for the team - which was only valued at $111 million in 2004 - did you notice the announcement from the Federal Governments Competition Bureau regarding NHL Non-Compete clauses. Must be something of a coincidence right?
Balsillie is overpaying for the team in order to pave the way for a move into Southern Ontario. No way is Leipold leaving $220 million on the table no matter what the NHL Board of Governors says. And will the owners of the Atlanta Thrashers or the Tampa Bay Devil Rays object to the sudden increase in the value of their team? Will they give back the millions of dollars they stand to gain from a television deal in an area that is crazy about Hockey? Get ready Leaf fans, yet another team in southern Ontario will get to the Cup Finals before the Leafs do.

And Finally….







Is Tiger on the clear?????
And will his nipples just remain erect indefinitely?

A Fire Side Chat

Alright, we here at torontosportsblog have been wrong about almost everything this spring. Wrong about the Raptors, Pistons, all the hockey matchups and Brad’s sexuality (He has a crush on the crazy manager in the first video below. After watching the video Brad sighed; ‘I wish he would toss me like he tossed that base’.) So god dammit, we are going to be right about this.

Tonight the NBA playoffs will begin and Lebron James has a chance to forever separate himself from the Jordan comparisons. At 22, Jordan was not anywhere close to leading his team to the finals and when he did finally get there he had better players around him than James does. Lebron can smell his destiny, he can feel himself hoisting the championship trophy in one arm and the playoff MVP trophy in the other. Too bad the only think he is going to feel is the cold, hard bitch slap of the Spurs. The Spurs are too good of a TEAM for the Cavs and they are not going to implode the way Detroit did.

You think Gary Bettman is a little bit jealous of David Stern right now? Hockey just finished one of the most boring Stanley Cup finals I have ever watched. Other than Alfredsson trying to break Niedermayers knee with a slap shot and a Pronger elbow, there wasn’t much to talk about. The series received the lowest ratings EVER for NBC…..hmmmm….that doesn’t bode well for a new T.V. contract Gary.

The NBA, on the other hand, is about the showcase its brightest young star on its biggest stage. If Lebron can make keep this series close the ratings will be huge. Think of the marketing: “One man against the best team of the decade. Can the King defeat his enemy and rule his kingdom?”

David Stern secretly wants Lebron to win. Even though the NBA has been pushing the team concept with its “It takes 5” commercials, it is way easier to market a player than a team. Lebron obviously wants this too. This series could play right into his goals of “Global Icon” and first sports billionaire. If he wins this championship we will see him shucking every product in every country in the world; his agent must be drooling at the prospect. Too bad he isn’t going win.

I predict a 5 game series ending in a Spurs victory. I love Lebron but right now Duncan has a better team and is a smarter player. No one has been able to consistently beat the Spurs and that isn’t going to change now. Let’s hope I am wrong. Let’s hope this is a great series that goes 7 games because after this we have a long, long, long wait for anything other than baseball highlights. The guys at the Score and TSN are getting ready to join sports fans in the annual numbing of the brain that summer brings. Imagine having to try and make a half hour sports show with nothing but baseball highlights for 3 months. They should get Pierre McGuire hopped up on speedballs to do highlight packages for Jays games. His shiny, bulbous head might explode as he desperately tries to make people get excited about Jason Phillips striking out for the 4th time in one night. I would love to see Jody Vance get drunk and start making fun of all the country bumpkins she works with at Sportsnet (who in their right mind watches that channel for any reason other than to look at her?).

Well enough of that. I hope you have enjoyed the fire side chat with the Young Master. Remember, if you need any advice on any type of fantasy sport or any sports in general I am the one to contact and will be able to answer all your questions.

Go Dunn Go!

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!
Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate "Crazy Baseball Manager". Autoracing fans go to autoraces to get shitfaced and hopefully see a bad accident. A-Ball fans go to baseball games to get shitfaced and hopefully see this...



Highlight at 1:16: Hunting Wabbits



Highlight: He manages the Montgomery Biscuits!



Highlight at 1:07: I didn't sign up for this shit!


For more "Crazy Baseball Manager" craziness, talk to Chris about how his fantasy baseball team is doing. HA HA (pretty crappy!)

Salt on Monday

Today folks, your esteemed author got some air time on the celebrated Fan590 radio station. Prime Time Sports host Bob McCowan reacted to some recent comments by one Gary Sheffield.

Sheffield basically said that Latin players were easier to control and that black players wouldn’t be controlled as easily.

Sheffield’s comments are indefensible. Had he said that MLB teams have more leverage over Latin players in that they control their ability to work in North America and run virtual baseball sweatshops in Latin countries where the options are either beg for food or learn to steal third base. ( And doesn’t this information put a new face on that fabled Blue Jay camp in the Dominican town of San Pedro de Macoris. ‘Hey Tony Fernandez, you’re going to snag grounders for the next 13 hours or you can go stand outside the resort and beg for pennies with the rest of your family… ’)

He didn’t say that.
He is an idiot to be sure.

So when a caller phoned in to Prime Time sports complaining that nothing would happen to Sheffield over these comments because Sheffield is black, McCowan agreed. I heard this and immediately called in. (Actually I was on hold with Prime Time because I was going to comment on the dirtiest player in the league Chris Pronger, but more on that later..)

McCowan agreed to the caller who felt that black athletes had some kind of carte blanche regarding public comments, and that nothing would be done to Sheffield because of this media pass.

I called in to correct these guys.

Nothing will happen to Gary Sheffield because he can hit Major League pitching – with power - at around a .300 average, not because he is black. That is the truth of the sporting world today.

The second part of the McCowan characterization was the feeling that White athletes don’t make controversial statements like this because they would be run out of their sport if they did.

White athletes don’t have to make comments about anything because there isn’t a sport out there that discriminates against them. The sporting world mirrors the real world. Nobody got fired because black athletes weren’t allowed to play Quarterback in the NFL until about 1984. No one gets up in arms about the automatic ‘leadership qualities’ that prospective white athletes get or the automatic ‘natural athlete’ tag that black athletes get.

I digress.




When Pronger Attacks.

Well Chris Pronger has done it again. This time he throws a well-concealed forearm into the face of Dean McCammond and concusses him. And even though Pronger had been suspended for THE EXACT SAME ACT (blow to the head) in the previous round and suspended for one game, the NHL cannot bring itself to suspend this repeat offender for anything more than a single game.

Is there a job with less accountability that of head of NHL player suspensions? They could have given Pronger an award and no one would have been surprised. They could have baked him a banana chocolate cheesecake and no one would have been surprised. Nice work Colin Campbell!!

I thought that this series would have hinged on the ability of the Ottawa forwards to harass and tire out the Anaheim defensemen. Turns out that this series is being defined by the emergence of Ray Emery, the tenacity of the Senators second and third line players, and the emergence of Cory Perry and Ryan Getzlaf. What it hasn’t been about is the cASH line – Alfredsson, Heatly, Spezza – or Andy McDonald/Teemu Selanne. The skill players have disappeared in this series in part because the Ducks don’t mind playing what they consider to be close to the ‘edge’ and the Senators have decided to match them clutch for clutch and grab for grab. Unfortunately for Anaheim, the refs have been calling them for more and more penalties and that is going to serve as their epitaph if things don’t change.

The Young Master Says

Is anyone else sick of looking at Rachael Ray? Anyone? Well I am and I don’t care if Alan thinks she is ‘sneaky hot’. There was a meeting of the Torontosportsbloggers minds on Sunday night. It was an eventful evening filled with chicken wings, small white man beer (aka Coors Light) and general hazing of Alan's poor baseball fantasy management (he traded Adam Dunn for Brian Giles!?!?!). During this time we outlined our plan for this illustrious website and how we can bring its dedicated readers, all 8 of you, a better experience. What exactly did we discuss? Well that is top secret information, but rest assured, it includes more hate and salt than you can possibly handle. Enough about us, let talk about sports.



UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship for those of you with the same IQ as the fighters) has finally broken into the mainstream of sports. The Liddell/Jackson fight drew huge crowds and was the most talked about sporting event of the weekend. UFC provides similar drama to professional wrestling but with the added bonus of inflicting real pain. Didn’t John Lennon say “All you need is blood”? I personally don’t really like UFC but when there are good knockouts, the ones that hurt your soul, it is makes for great watching.



Those same knock outs are also making news. Sports Illustrated has an article about UFC violence on their cover this week. This isn’t a sport that you sit down and watch with your 10 year old, but the UFC promoters don’t care about that market. The sport is rapidly growing and both men and women enjoy watching the beatings. A woman in my office recently mentioned how much she likes UFC; clearly a lust for violence doesn’t follow gender lines. I should ask my wife what she thinks; I have a feeling she would really like it. She is a New Zealander and under the calm Kiwi exterior there is a blood crazed lunatic as evidenced in that country’s history of cannibalism and love of Rugby.



Violence has always attracted fans/mobs and is the subject of psychohistory majors not sports bloggers but the success of UFC says something about sports today. Basketball and baseball are creating stiff punishments in an effort to eliminate fighting. The NBA will even suspend a player for simply moving from the bench area to the court during an altercation; a rule that was misapplied and led to the end of the Phoenix Suns season. Both these sports are having problems drawing fans. NHL commissioner Gary Bettman can sense the same thing as the UFC promoters and refuses to ban fighting in his league. He knows that fighting is all that is keeping Americans interested in hockey but it can’t match the level of violence that the UFC provides.

There is a huge and heretofore untapped market of people who want blood. They want to see two people get into a ring with the intention of hurting each other as much as possible. My opinion is that if adults want to watch this then let them, but where do you draw the line. If you allow violence to creep into societal norms where do you stop it? Do we want “Running Man” style programs on T.V? I wouldn’t mind watching Stephen Harper and Stephan Dion try to escape a robo-Gilles Duceppe with chainsaws for arms; it would make for better T.V. than the House of Commons. Mr. Dion: “Mr. Speaker, the Honourable man from Laurier-Sainte-Marie has threatened me with dismemberment because I ask my questions in English!!!”


Anyway…..I think I was talking about violence. It isn’t realistic to keep violence out of mainstream sports and if we do then it will go underground anyway (remember when Rambo dipped his knuckles in glass?). Some enterprising producer should turn UFC into the next great reality T.V. show for washed up celebrities and athletes. Imagine getting to watch Tie Domi and Stephan Brogan tangle in the octagon, I would pay to see that.




Tony Romo’s stage name could be “The Butter Finger Kid” and he could take on Mitch “Wild Thing” Williams in the choke artist match. Or Ben Johnson vs Barry Bonds in steroid match sponsored by Balco; the match-ups are endless.

That’s all for now folks, happy June and keep a look out for the handsome torontosportsblogger near you!

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!
Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate America's quarterback, Tony Romo.



We love you Tony! You make football fun(ny)!

BONUS! Requested by Chris, American foreign policy in action.