Salt on Monday, Tuesday edition..

I don’t want to bore you, but this column needs a little run up before we get to this weeks Salt.

After I graduated from Bishops University and Gentlemen’s Club, I decided – quite sensibly in fact – that a 9-5 existence wasn't going to happen for me as I was more used to waking up on my bedroom floor with a half drunk quart of Labatt Cinquant within arms reach, than I was to doing anything constructive that required discipline. (Folks, the god’s honest truth is that I went to Bishops for University because the bars closed at 3:00 a.m. I have NO idea how I convinced my mother otherwise…)

So upon my inglorious return to Toronto (and we’ll save that last-day-in-Lennoxville story for another time. Not to tease, but it involves hallucinogens, two ex-girlfriends, a funnel, and enough beer to drown a giraffe), I chose a career that would indulge me my vices AND earn some money. So that’s how I spent twelve years in the Nightclub industry in a sort of Woodersonian Time Vacuum where I got older and they all stayed the same age.

As a consequence, a lot of my friends are ten to twelve years younger than me and gaze upon my wizened visage with an awe usually reserved for Kings or Heads of State. That, or they can’t believe that their future will look as desperate as I do..
Po–tay-to/Po–tat-to.


As a consequence, a lot of my wit is lost on this generation of text messaging wizards. What I am leading up to here, is that on my fantasy team ‘FREEPETEROSE’ , I picked up J.J. Hardy – shortstop and MVP in waiting for the Milwaukee Brewers – and I let spew a tirade of 70’s inspired comedy. (C’mon it’s a natural!! J.J? In Milwaukee!! Good Times!?! Dy-No-Mite!! Ain’t we lucky we got em!! Schlemiel!, Schmozzle! Hosenfeffer Incorporated!! Anybody? Anyone?)

So my humor went largely ignored and misunderstood by the youths. And if you can’t mock the other teams in a fantasy league, then you are getting way too serious about it and it becomes almost as embarrassing as being a member of a Dungeons and Dragons message board.

On to some Salt.

I see where fellow blogger Brad, has decided that the Detroit Red Wings are going to win the Stanley Cup, and the Buffalo Sabres are going to demolish the Senators. I disagree Sir Bradley. I went three for four in the Conference semi finals – and if Detroit didn’t have Dominick Hasek sleeping in a tub of ‘the clear’ I would have gone four for four – so I think I know whereof I speak.



before....

after....










Buffalo vs Ottawa

I’m not going to say this again.
This isn’t the same old Senator team.
Just look at their Captain and on ice leader, Daniel Alfredsson. I can remember laughing at the sight of his curly blonde locks peeking out of his helmet as he danced his way down the ice. The Leafs laughed too and pummeled the Sens every time they met them in the post season.

Take a look at Alfie now. He looks like a paroled bank robber. No one is confusing him with a Swedish Captain that can’t deliver when it counts – cough, cough, Sundin! cough, cough – he is the leader of a bunch of hard nosed muhfuckers and Buffalo is going to get smushed.

( I said in an earlier post that I was wrong when said that I thought that Buffalo was an hinterland outpost where players with bad agents got sent. I wasn’t wrong, all that happened is that the league rules changed so that this collection of softies and two-apples-high speedsters became coveted players in the new no-touch league. This Buffalo team looked like this before the lockout and the rule changes. )

People of Toronto, brace yourselves: The Ottawa Senators are going to the Stanley Cup finals.

Ottawa in 5.


Anaheim vs Detroit

I watched the first two periods of game six in the Detroit/San Jose series. I predicted that San Jose would knock off Detroit cause the Wings didn’t have any grit/glue players on their roster anymore. Well, let me be the first to say that I was wrong and this Detroit team is philthy with talent. I want to know what the other 29 GM’s were doing while Detroit put together a European All Star team. Who let Zetterberg, Lang, Datsyuk, Holmstrom, and Samuelsson be put under contract on the same team? And is there a drop of liquid left in the fountain of youth after Chelios and Hasek have sucked it dry? You can’t intimidate this team because you can’t catch them!!!!!!

All this and Nicklas Lidstrom making any play look simple, and you have to wonder who could stand up to this juggernaut.

If anyone could beat this stacked team that is hitting it’s stride, it is Anaheim. If Lidstrom is the best defenseman in the league then Pronger and Niedermayer are numbers 2 and 3. The problem is that you can’t stack up the forwards the same way. Do the names Getzlaf, McDonald, and Pahlsson strike fear in anyone’s heart? The Red Wings have come to life and nothing that doesn’t play near the Ottawa River can stop them.


Wings in 5