Second Round Hockey Playoff Picks

I have been chosen to do the official Torontosportsblog second round playoff picks, and let me tell you I am humbled by the honour. I only hope I can serve as a role model for the millions of underachieving slackers that have used their degree for nothing more than part of a really last minute Halloween costume, ( I was supposed to be a wall. I know it sucks as a costume, but I ran out of time alright?).

BUFFALO vs NEW YAWK

I gotta say I have been amazed by the Steve Avery transformation. He used to be an irritant type of player (like a blonde Darcy Tucker in a contract year), who would – against all odds – chip in the occasional timely goal in crucial games. Now, he is…. Uh…. Well….. Forget it then. (Really, when player comes to the east coast from the west coast people act like they just came from the far side of the moon or something. Marcel Dionne could still be playing for the Kings and TSN wouldn't know).

As much as I like Brendan Shanahan, the Rangers have no chance. Listen, they did well in revealing the Thrashers as a pack of perimeter players who can’t stand the heavy going of the playoffs – especially this year when the League has seemingly mandated that anything less than a crippling injury will be only given a two minute minor at the on ice officials discretion. But, and it truly pains me to say this….. Buffalo is for real (arrrgh!!!!). I thought they were a team of losers who didn’t have agents smart enough to keep them out of this NHL backwater, but it turns out that having four (FOUR!!) thirty goal scorers and seven (WHAT??!?) twenty goal scorers means that you are going to the conference finals at least. That or you played the Leafs twenty times in a season….

The Bills ,…. er…the Sabres, win this series with room to spare. Avery isn’t going to be able to scare everybody.

SABRES in 5

NEW JERSEY vs OTTAWA

I have never seen this particular Ottawa team before. These guys are not the same softies that the Leafs got used to stepping over on their way to, well not to a championship but the next round anyway.

This Ottawa team?
Well aside from the first team power play defensive pairing of Corvo and Preissing (Who? Really? You have Wade Redden and you figure that Joe Who is the guy to leave at the controls on your power plays?), this team is a pack of killers.

It’s like the younger brother (the one you got used to beating up and typically treating like, well, like a punky little brother. You know, laughing at him and his friends, hazing him like a Beta pledge, and generally mocking his existence so completely that he spent the last 5 years crying himself to sleep every night), who went away to university and comes back in May with an extra 15 pounds of muscle, the ability to funnel three king cans like a champ, and can pick up chicks in bars that wouldn’t give you a second glance. That’s who these guys are.

I watched Chris Phillips slowly tear away Sydney Crosbys’ will to continue breathing during this series with a mauling that would make Derian Hatcher blush. Seriously, I saw him cross check Crosby in the throat and the expression on his face was that of a fourteen year old at the Opera – Booooringggg. When did he turn into Hannibal Lecter on skates? I remember when he came into the league, he had some offensive potential, could skate well, and generally was a pleasant fellow. Now? It's like he turned into Bobby Clarke in the '72 series. If the first round series with Pittsburgh went any longer, Crosby would have needed a walker to make it to his car.

These guys aren’t the same smiling happy-go-lucky young upstart Ottawa Senators anymore. Think Clint Eastwood as Bill Munny at the end of Unforgiven. They are going to spear you and skate away cause if you hit them in the back they are going to come back and kill you and your whole family.

New Jersey has home ice advantage, Martin Brodeur, and the left wing lock in its’ favor. If New Jersey can get Ottawa to play an undisciplined shoot out style of game then they have a chance ( I love Emery, but Ottawa leaves him hanging out to dry when they go into shootout mode). If not? Send the wife and kids to the neighbors and hide in the cellar cause Bill Munny will shoot you down whether you are facing him or not.

OTTAWA in 6


DETROIT vs SAN JOSE

Detroit danced it’s way past a Calgary team that was committed on beating itself. ( Hey Calgary! Stupid is as Stupid does…) In the San Jose Sharks, they face a team that has two top level centers – Thornton and Marleau – who give the Sharks a depth and toughness that the Red Wings can’t match. Think about it for a second; all the heart and soul guys on Detroit are gone.

Yzerman? Gone.
Shanahan? Gone.
Hull? Gone.
Draper? Still there but looking as old as the hills. Going deep into the playoffs every year is going to do that to a gritty forward like Draper.

They do have Bertuzzi, Maltby and Cleary, but do you even recognize this team anymore?
Detroit’s best chance lies in Dominick Hasek pulling another playoff miracle out of his hat.

SAN JOSE in 7


ANAHEIM vs VANCOUVER

Is the Dallas/Vancouver series over yet?? It is? Who won? Vancouver? Oh.

ANAHEIM in 4.