People are jockeying for position and campaigning in an attempting to gain the attention of the Nation. All in order to jump into that all important position – one of the most important positions in the Western World in fact – a position that only one position can hold.
This position is one that makes enormous demands on the successful person, so much so that most wonder why they put themselves through the ordeal. But nonetheless, people are jumping into the melee willy nilly. (God I have been waiting so long to get willy nilly into a sentence that I think I just got wood. No wait, that’s my belt buckle.)
Yes I’m talking about the Head Coaching position for the Dallas Cowboys.
I will understand if you thought that I was referring to the race to replace Dubya Bush in the White House, that marathon of willful mendacity. That orgy of branding. No, sorry, wrong position. I’m not talking about the position where you take orders from the Bilderberg Group (the shadowy cabal of Billionaires and World leaders who meet in secret) , I’m talking about the position where you take orders from Jerral Jones, (Oklahoma Billionaire who holds many press conferences).
In fact, the two positions have many similarities: They are at the top of their respective professions.
The USA is Top Dawg on this planet, no two ways about it. They are world leaders in terms of cultural influence, financial strength, and military power.
The Presidency of the United States is the shizzle in terms of American Political Power (and the perhaps in terms of World Political Power for that matter.) You instantly become the most recognizable face in the world. Even those who hate you know your every utterance.
Similarly the Dallas Cowboys are the crème de la crème in the Sporting World. Fully five of the top rated Television shows from 2006 involved the Dallas Cowboys.
(I might have just made that up. Like anyone can get more people in front of the T.V. than American Idol. The appeal is irresistible. It’s like watching a car crash or halitosis on a hot girl. You want to turn your head away, but…..)
The Cowboys were in four of the top 12 sporting events in North America for the year 2006. They are the biggest draw and the most valuable sports franchise in the highest rated league in the world. A league with a 4 BILLION dollar per year television deal.
(Wait, What’s that noise? Oh the Soccer fans are making noise? Shaddup already. Every four years the people in North America take a peek at footy while the flags are waving and then they go back to sports that are actually exciting. How big is that television deal for the African Soccer League? The South American League?
Yeah. I thought so. Stop bugging me already and go back to work at the call center.)
Case in point; who is the only team that could even make the headlines with a marathon like search for head coach? During Super Bowl week?!? That’s right. The Cowboys.
So in that spirit, I thought I would compare the candidates for both illustrious positions.
The Front Runners
Hillary Clinton/Norv Turner
Same deal: Underwhelming record in previous stints at the top.
Brother Difference: Hillary has the balls to deal with T.O.
Chances: At the front of the pack, but it is early.
Running Second
Barack Obama/Mike Singletary
Same deal: Strong presence, great speakers, possible all timers. Is the United States ready for a Black President? Are the Dallas Cowboys ready for a Black Head Coach?
Brother Difference: Obama will get less death threats if chosen for the position.
Chances: We can only hope people, we can only hope.
Best of the Rest
Rudi Giuliani/Wade Phillips
Same Deal: Pattern Baldness oozes wisdom and confidence.
Brother Difference: Rudi won something in New York State.
Chances: Old White Guy wins position of power. Hmmm, I think I have seen this before.
Longshots
Joe Biden/Gary Gibbs
Same Deal: They both have a little crazy in their eyes don’t they?
Brother Difference: Two words – Comb over.
Chances: Biden? For President? C’mon!!! Maybe to help finish off a keg or something. A guy named Gibbs, coach of the Cowboys?? Right. Next you’ll tell me that Bill Parcells is going to coach the Cowboys.
Snowballs Chance in Hell
John Edwards/Jason Garett
Same Deal: Nice Hair Guys!
Brother Difference: uhhh……
Chances: How old are these guys? Shouldn’t they graduate college first?
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