Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate Posh & Becks.

We've all had these asshats shoved down our throats for the last couple weeks, and I know it's getting tiresome... but trust me, you'll enjoy this week's video. It will give you some real insight into just how stupid these two are. And when I say stupid, I mean completely barren of any intellectual functionality. They appear to have the combined IQ of a 12 year old... with ridiculous implants.

Enjoy!

GARNETT TRADE

You have to hope that Chris Bosh welcomes challenges; especially big, tall, lanky challenges named Kevin Garnett.
All of a sudden Danny Ainge has switched his team from a bunch of talented but unproven kids to a trio of All Star veterans. Bye, bye Al Jefferson, Gerald Green, Theo Ratliff, Sebastian Telfair, 2 first round picks and hello KG.

Now before any starts gushing over this team the way Alan gushes over the Cowboys let’s think about how this trade will pan out. Boston traded the farm for Garnett and he is worth every bit of it. Last year he put up 22 points per game, 12.8 rebounds, 4.1 assists and 1.7 blocks. He is a team player who has never played with guys as good as Pierce or Allen and after 12 years in Minnesota you have to think that he is happy for a change of scenery. But Garnett isn’t the problem; the problem is Pierce.

Paul Pierce is a high volume shooter who wants the ball in his hands. He has never played with other super stars and I think it will take some time for him to mesh with Allen and Garnett. I think Pierce might pull a Terrell Owens if he doesn’t get enough shots. The other problem is injuries. Garnett has been very durable during his career, but Pierce and Allen have missed substantial time in recent years. Boston will be able to field an awesome starting line up but they have a very thin bench and that is where they will be weak.

I think that Minnesota got a great deal. They were looking at another year of relying too heavily on Garnett and not making the playoffs. They are now stacked with youth and draft picks. Their fans are finally going to get to see something different and it should be exciting.

What does this mean for the Raptors?

Bosh has always said that Garnett is his role model and he is now going to get a chance to compete against him on a regular basis. The good thing is that Bosh is entering his prime and will be quick enough to give Garnett problems; the bad part is that the Raptors have no answer for him on defense. When the Celtics added Allen at the draft I wasn’t too worried because the Raptors play good perimeter defense but Garnett will free up space on the outside by demanding a double team. The Raptors strength needs to come from their bench depth. When the 30 something GAP trio get tired, the Raps will have to make their runs.

What does this mean for the Atlantic?

The addition of Garnett, Allen and Zach Randolph will make the Atlantic division much better and should help shake off the title of leagues worst division. Some sports writers are already hailing Boston as contenders in the East - rubbish…rubbish I tell you - this team will make the playoffs but they will not win the Atlantic division. You can’t just throw three players like this together and assume greatness.

Salt on ... Thursday??

Well, Salt would like to apologize for the delay in our usual column, but truthfully the sporting landscape has been incredibly bereft of topical subjects to write about.










Ah.
Well.
See, this is the deal.
Salt on Monday, tries to find that niche where the sporting world is taking itself too seriously, or engaging in a round of ‘piling on’. Unfortunately this week has been jammed with the denizens of the Sporting universe behaving in an unconscionable manner. ( But enough about the Staal brothers … )


I don’t know if Michael Vick did or did not engage in dog fighting – a brutal, brutal example of cruelty to animals – but I do know that Mr. Vick won’t have to worry about wins and losses for a little while. The Federal Government has indicted Vick. Yeah, that’s right, the G-Men slapped papers on Mike. That means this isn’t a case where you can distract Boss Hogg and Sherriff Coltrane with some short/shorts and slip out the back door. These are the guys who recently added Lord Black of Crossharbour to their win totals.

Federal Prosecution operates at about a 95% success rate in the U.S.A., so I don’t think that Mike Vick will be thinking about much else beside how to get the hell off of these charges.

That said, I find it interesting that the Vick episode is getting far more press coverage than the NBA scandal, where one ref is on the verge of being arrested by the F.B.I. for his involvement in 'fixing' the professional games that he was officiating. Now, I get that the NBA earns its share of bad publicity due to the actions and prima donna attitude of many of it’s stars, but did you ever, ever, ever think that the name and face that would threaten the very viability of the Association would be a 5’7” dude of Irish descent?

And make no mistake the NBA is in big trouble here. While match fixing may be a semi regular event in Europe and Asia, here in the puritanical West, we prefer our sporting cheats to fly under the radar. We watch sports because we don’t know what is going to happen, and when we think we do know what will happen, we contribute to the billion dollar sports betting underworld – because sport betting is illegal in North America don’t you know (well, outside of Vegas and Atlantic City). So while the horrendous exploits of a prime NFL star should be taking up a lot of headline space, so too should what just might be the beginning of the end of the NBA as we know it.

But somehow, Mike Vick is selling waaaaay more papers. (and more page views … )

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate my most favourite movie, "Caddyshack".

This afternoon I was thinking about the first movie I ever saw on videotape. I couldn't come up with it exactly, but I was able to narrow it down to one of these 4 movies: Krull, Excalibur, Alien, or Caddyshack. All were nominated for Best Movie, I'm sure... but Caddyshack really made an impression on my young mind.

If you haven't seen it, then we can't be friends... sorry.

Let's examine how my life has been influenced by this movie:

1) Lacy Underall showed her boobs, and was blonde with blue eyes. I like boobs, and tend to be attracted to blondes with blue eyes.
2) Ty Webb was a guy who's life revolved around his golf game. Although I'm not as rich as Ty Webb, I too have shaped my life to maximize the time I can spend on the golf course.
3) Spaulding was a fat, spoiled loud mouth idiot. I call my friends Spaulding all the time.
4) Danny Noonan had some crazy hair, and Irish girls loved him. I had crazy hair for most of my life, and I like Guinness.
5) Kenny Loggins created the theme music for Caddyshack, including "I'm Alright". I too am alright, and have a theme song from Kenny Loggins, entitled "Danger Zone".
6) Carl Spackler was tormented by a groundhog. I am tormented by sexy ladies, ALL THE TIME. They just won't leave me alone.

So let this be a lesson to all you parents out there... the things your children see on TV when they are young will influence their lives forever. Just ask Alan, his parents made him watch "Second Place is Just Fine For Me". :)


I wasn't joking, he really is my hero.


Carl Spackler has THAT going for him.


If Rodney Dangerfield made it to heaven, this is what he's doing.


"Move over Swanson, I'm driving!"


My firstborn shall be named Porterhouse.



Hope you enjoyed... see you next week!

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate Sportscenter(re) commercials.

There really isn't much analysis needed here... just watch and enjoy.



















And finally... one for my lady friend... Go Bucks!


I was planning on making this weeks entry a tribute to college football, but thought I would hold off for a couple weeks. Let's just say that I have a massive NCAA Football post brewing!

Salt On Monday

"We’re not trying to build a nation or whatever. We just go out and do our jobs.”
Edmonton Oiler C.E.O. and NHL Board of Governors member Patrick Laforge giving a careful answer to the question of whether or not another team in Southern Ontario would prosper on Bob McCowans radio show ‘Prime Time’ on the Fan 590 AM.



You say Balls-ly and I say Ball-silly.
Salt on Monday isn’t saying either; rather, Salt is calling BULLSHIT!
The ever twisting and turning saga of whether or not BlackBerry Billionaire Jim Balsillie will or won’t get to own an NHL franchise and move it to Hamilton marches onward. (And if you count the amount of times you have read or heard the phrase ‘BlackBerry Billionaire Jim Balsillie’ in the past six weeks and don’t get to over a gajillion, well then, I wish you a hearty welcome back from your time spent in a coma!)

Everyone and his dog Blue are chiming in. (Actually, I haven’t heard anything from Don Cherry regarding the Hamilton Predators.)
First theory up is the Ever Popular ‘The Leafs just ain’t havin’ it’ theory espoused by one Steven Brunt.

Next we get the Kanye Westesque ‘Bettman hates Canada theory’ penned by the illustrious Elliote Friedman.

And last, we have the Worldwide Sports Leaders Hockey Guy Scott Burnside chiming in with the conspiracy laden ‘Bettman backed into a corner’ theory complete with How-to’s regarding escaping said corner. (I know! I didn’t think that ESPN still paid guys to cover Hockey!)

The truth is that we won’t know the truth. Or not for a long while anyway. And does it even matter? The NHL is a for profit enterprise based in New York City with 80% of it’s franchises in the United States, and also pays it’s workers – quite handsomely by the way – in Yankee Dollars. Can someone explain to me why Canadians feel as if the NHL is somehow a national treasure?
It isn’t.
Hockey, and the way it is woven into our National Fabric is a glorious thing to behold, and is as Canadian as a Halifax style falafel.
The fact that I could probably round up twenty or thirty guys for a pick up game within fifteen blocks of my house in under two hours is a glorious thing to behold. ( Like we could get ice time anywhere!)

Let’s separate the NHL and our love for the game of hockey sooner rather that later ok? Because a slavish adhereance to that principle is what keeps the Leafs rolling in money and Sans A Stanley Cup final appearance in the last 40 years.
(Say it with me everyone ‘Nineteen Sixty-Seven, Nineteen Sixty-Seven, Nine ah screw it)

But I digress.

Fantasy Update!!



For most fantasy keeper leagues this is make it or trade it away time - if you aren’t going to win and you can’t keep everyone, why not try and trade that big bat for a draft pick next year.

Unfortunately in my Keeper League, I have been running in second place to Bradley – another poster here – who has the good fortune to have both Arod and Russell Martin on his team.

Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not throwing in the towel here, it is just going to be hard to catch a team that has Arod hitting the ball like it was set up on a tee, and a catcher that steals bases and hits for average.

(I’m not totally finished though; Johan Santana is starting his post all-star run where he usually goes 10-0 with 100 K’s and an E.R.A. of 0.90. But Russell Martin is a Killer. Getting stolen bases from the catcher position is almost unfair. As a matter of fact, I am going to petition the commissioner about this, unless he is busy trying to keep his team above 100 points and in a solid tie for seventh place. Nice work Stinky. When Aaron Rowland is your best outfielder you got problems.)


So while it may be a sad season where my team FREEPETEROSE doesn’t get to invoke the Droit D’Seigneur upon taking over first place, we do have the Football season to look forward to.

(Truth be told this league lost a lot of it’s legitimacy when someone dropped Felix Hernandez in May - !!!!!! – and most recently there was a dubious trade where one bottom feeder traded with his ‘brother in-law’ and received Chone Figgins and Vlad Guerrero for Kevin Youklis, Micheal Cuddyer, Aaron Hill and a second and fifth round pick. First off, I think that relatives – unless they are both sports addicted competition junkies – should have any and all moves between their teams regulated by the entire league. It’s just too easy for someone to get the benefit of a lopsided trade just because somebody took out the garbage, or made dinner out of turn. We’ll have to keep an eye out for this in the Fall if Chris allows his sweetie to enter – and be subsequently crushed – our Football league this year. Chris, let her in; she knows all the players now since she changed favorite teams about twelve times last year. Hey tell her the Giants have a Pretty Blue colors in their away uniforms.…)

That’s all today people, but watch out for the TSB’s NFL primer coming this week and ladies hold onto your self respect; I’m bringing the Alan Morris vintage 1994 goatee back.
That’s right, I did it.
I’m bringing Sexy back.

Tuesday Tribute

Holla!

Welcome to "Tuesday Tribute": a weekly video tribute to whatever I want.

This week we celebrate Antonio Rodrigo "Minotauro" Nogueira.

As I promised last week, there would be many MMA posts to come... and here is the first.

Minatauro is a 240 pound heavyweight fighter out of Brazil. Although he has all that weight, he specializes in submissions by way of his Jiu-Jitsu. He's not flashy, and doesn't speak much english, but he has 2 things going for him: a kick ass nickname in Minotauro, and the fact he has beaten every top heavyweight that matters.

On Saturday night, he took on Heath Herring for the 3rd time. He won the first 2 fights. I won't spoil the video for you, but let's just say that this is a very entertaining fight (for heavyweights).

And btw... I might change my middle name to Minotauro... Albert just isn't very sexy.

Part 1

Part 2

Bonus: Strip Basketball (Kimmel rules)